September 11th – Never Forget

It’s funny to me that each September you begin hearing the words ‘Never Forget’ being repeated.

I don’t say this dismissively, and I am truly grateful to all those who remember the bravery and faithfulness of our fallen, but as I look around at what is going on in this country I cannot help but feel these words are becoming hollow platitudes.

Just recently, the 9/11 community was in an all-out political battle to fight for funding to treat many of us who are sick as a result of the toxins we ingested back then. September 12th, 2002, united this country and gave rise to the words ‘Never Forget.’ Yet the same politicians who draped themselves in the flag and chastised us to not forget were the very same ones who pushed back on the promise this country made to us.

I look around and I am deeply troubled, as I see this new generation, many whom were not even alive when the terror attack occurred, desecrating memorials to our fallen heroes and victims, because they go against their current world view. Those people who have never put themselves in harm’s way for another human being, mocking those that gave the last full measure.

 The words ‘Never Forget’ mean something different to a select few. While the world proclaims that we should Never Forget, some understand that for them it is ‘Can’t Forget.’

Can’t Forget means that you can never look at a clear blue sky and find comfort.

Can’t Forget means that the sound of a low flying plane sends a wave of panic through you.

Can’t Forget means that in the shadow of a global pandemic a mask brings no comfort, only bad memories.

Can’t Forget means that the sight of flames and the scent of acrid smoke forever rekindles a hell that no one should ever know.

Can’t Forget means that to those who wear this, you are bound to a brother & sisterhood that is sacred, not for what we did, but for what they gave:  Fidelis Ad Mortem

NYPD World Trade Center Medal

Can’t Forget means that, by the grace of God, you survived, but the names and faces of those we lost are forever etched into our hearts and minds.

“From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remembered-
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition;
And gentlemen in England now-a-bed
Shall think themselves accurs'd they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day.” - William Shakespeare’s Henry V

Re-Release: Where Was God? Updated Content

I wanted to let everyone know that I just re-released by book: Where Was God? An NYPD first responder’s search for answers following the terror attack of September 11th 2001

This 2nd edition features two new chapters dealing with the current Corona Virus (COVID-19) Pandemic and the Book of Job. I felt I was missing out on an opportunity to speak to people who might be struggling emotionally and spiritually with the wake of devastation left by this virus. The addition of the examination of the Book of Job came after a recent Bible study and it felt particularly relevant when we are seeking answers during times of suffering.

The updated versions should be available shortly on Amazon: Where Was God?

This edition also features a revised list of the men and women of the NYPD who have lost their battle to 9/11 illnesses.  Sadly, this year marks the 19th anniversary of the attack. On the day of the attack, the NYPD lost 23 members in the line of duty; since that day we have lost a staggering 242 more from the toxins they ingested and that number will only continue to rise; a situation made even worse by the health effects of COVID-19.

As an added reminder, 100% of the royalties from this book are donated to charities / organizations that further God’s work. From the very first day we made a commitment that, since this work was divinely inspired, we not profit from its message.  

In times of tragedy or suffering it can feel as if we are alone, but we are not. God is always with us.

John 16:33 – “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

Where Was God? Understanding our place.

When I wrote my book: Where Was God? An NYPD first responder’s search for answers following the terror attack of September 11th 2001, I did so as someone who had responded to the attack and struggled with the question as to why a loving and benevolent God would allow such tragedy to happen.

It was a long journey, with many ups and downs. Admittedly, there were times I was angry at God and I wonder if this was how Job felt?

Right from the beginning, we are told that Job ‘was blameless and upright; he feared God and shunned evil.’ Yet unspeakable tragedy befell him, sanctioned by God: The loss of his children, the loss of his wealth, chastisement at the hands of his ‘friends.’

And then in Job 38:1-3, He reminds us just who we are: “Then the Lord spoke to Job out of the storm. He said: “Who is this that obscures my plans with words without knowledge? Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me.”

What occurs next is a reminder of the power and majesty of the Lord. From Job 38 – 41, He tells us exactly who He is.

Then, in Job 42:2-6, Job replied to the Lord: “I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted. You asked, ‘Who is this that obscures my plans without knowledge?’ Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know. “You said, ‘Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me.’ My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you. Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes.”

We must never forget that we are the creation, but He is the Creator.

We will never know, this side of Heaven, why God allows certain things to happen, but I take comfort in knowing that He is in charge of everything.

Is there a God? Yes there is and I truly believe we need to learn our place and get right with Him before it is too late.

Revelation 22:12 – “Behold, I am coming soon, bringing my recompense with me, to repay each one for what he has done.”

Where Was God? Update (Royalty Donation – August 2020)

Well, if you are like us, 2020 has been, for lack of a better word, beyond hectic, but it is precisely at times like this that we need to take a step back and reflect. Reflect, not on the world, but upon God. You see, I truly believe that when we shield ourselves from the pandemonium that is all around us, we are able to hear God speak to us.

Several months back, my wife, Nancy, came across a YouTube video by Pastor J.D. Farag of Calvary Chapel Kaneohe, in Hawaii. His video sermons quickly became a part of her morning routine, and one day I joined her. To say that his sermon moved me would be an understatement. Unfortunately, this topic was not the traditional sermon one would expect, but dealt with the Bible prophecy of the End Times. Pastor Farag’s candor in teaching a topic that is often neglected at the pulpit struck a chord in me. Several videos later and I felt a sense of peace, deep in my soul, which replaced the heavy weight I’d been feeling throughout this COVID crisis.

I had originally intended to make a donation at the beginning of the year, but with everything going on it kept slipping down on the list. Not that I didn’t want to send it, but I didn’t know who to send it to. Sometimes I think God hits the brakes and you have to get to a place where you can hear his will for you.

When I first wrote Where Was God? I did so knowing that God was using me to send a message. Since I was only the messenger, it didn’t seem right that I should profit from any sales; God’s work, God’s reward.

Those who know me know that I am terrible in math. I mean, I make Common Core look easy.  So as I sat down to figure out how much I needed to donate this time around. Amazon, as good as they are, doesn’t give you much choice. I could choose to ‘figure out’ how much I owed, since the last donation, or I could take the simple way out. I chose the latter, hitting the button to show the ‘Life to Date’ amount. Since the book was first published in September 2018, I have made $592.76 in sales. I don’t believe you should ever ‘short’ God, so I decided to make this donation for the full amount, plus.

Today, Nancy and I were proud to donate $650.00 to Pastor Farag’s church. It is an honor to support him and provide some financial assistance so that the word he is inspired to preach reaches as many as possible.

If you are interested in watching his sermons, and I highly recommend that you do, you can view them on his YouTube channel here: Pastor J.D. Farag of Calvary Chapel Kaneohe

Thank you & God Bless,

Kindle Sales - Where Was God? Life to Date

Print Sales - Where Was God? Life to Date

Remembering the September 11th, 2001 Terror Attacks – 18 Years Later

It’s 8:45 EST, a minute before my life changed 18 years ago.

I want to stop the clock, but I can’t. Just like my life, it will change and I will have to face the memories again.

18 years ago it was just another September 11th, now it is a day that is etched into my brain until I draw my last breath.

My wife reminded me last night that on September 10th we had been watching Monday Night Football. My (formerly beloved) Giant’s lost to the Denver Broncos. We’d stayed up late to watch, even though I had election duty the next day. What should have been a day spent bitching about my team, would soon turn into a nightmare that I am forever trapped in.

I often wonder if people look at us and think, ‘why can’t they just move on?’

The simple answer is that we live with the aftermath of September 11th every day.

That morning, we lost 23 members of the NYPD, but since then we have lost over 240 and the reality for us is that this number will only grow. Most cannot fathom what we were exposed to, as the videos do not do it justice. For those of us who were there, we know what was in the air and what we were exposed to. I have never understood why the government lied, when they said, ‘the air is safe.’ Walking into Ground Zero we all knew that it wasn’t and it didn’t stop us from doing our job.

The other reason is that we do not have any closure.

On the morning of December 7th, 1941, America was attacked at Pearl Harbor. There were over two thousand deaths and over one thousand wounded. It was the worst attack America had ever faced from an enemy. On August 15th, 1945, less than 5 years after the attack, Japan surrendered. While it didn’t bring back those we lost, there was some measure of closure. We’d been attacked and we brought our enemy to their knees.

18 years later and we are still fighting this war and there is no end in sight.

Last night, minutes into the anniversary of the September 11th attacks, our embassy in Kabul, Afghanistan was attacked; a stark reminder that our enemy has not surrendered and is alive and well.

On the morning of September 11th, we lost almost three thousand people, in the 18 years that have passed, we have lost nearly the same amount to the toxins they ingested either fleeing from or responding to the attack. Yet, when I have had occasion to speak on this topic, most have no idea.

They have no idea because there is little coverage of those numbers. It is America’s dirty little secret. They don’t know the staggering amount of people that continue to die, almost every day, nor the fact that, for many families of the original victims, there is no closure because, 18 years later, their loved ones have still not been identified.

Many, like me, feel as if we have been relegated to history and the recent fight to renew the VCF is a poignant reminder.

• Rather than do what they promised to do, which was Never Forget, the 9/11 victims had to plead, threaten, and embarrass many in Congress to renew the funding; the very same politicians who get in front of any camera they can, on the anniversary of the attack, to pontificate to the rest of us about, ‘not forgetting.’

• Rather than point a finger at our enemy, and call them out for the cowards they are, we look away, afraid to offend anyone. Even today, the NY Times posted an article about how, ‘planes took aim and brought down the World Trade Center.’ Unless we have sentient airliners, I’m pretty sure there were Islamic terrorists who aimed them at their targets.

• Rather than stand tall and call it what it was, a terror attack, many in politics and the media have chosen to white wash it. Or, as one Congressperson insensitively put it, “Some people did something.”

18 years ago today, I stood next to my old partner, NYPD Lieutenant Paul Murphy, as we helped rescue and evacuate people from Ground Zero. On January 4th, 2018, Paul died from the 9/11 illnesses he had battled. Paul was a great cop, a loving husband & father, and a dear friend. I remember when I called him to tell him I had been diagnosed with 9/11 cancer. Even though he was fighting his own battle, he immediately counseled me on what I needed to do to get taken care of. I lost him only days later.

Paul, and all of my brothers and sisters who have fought and lost their battles, are my heroes. They exemplify the NYPD Motto: Fidelis Ad Mortem.

Today I remember them and all they sacrificed that fateful day. I just wish we could set our clocks back to September 12th and live our lives with that same level of commitment, respect, and appreciation.

Never Forget - “All Gave Some, Some Gave All.”

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